1. Under Saturn’s Shadow by James Hollis: “Men’s lives are as much governed by role expectations as are the lives of women. And the corollary is that those roles do not support, confirm, or resonate to the needs of men’s souls.” P 97
2. “nonviolent communication” ~there’s a lot of violence in the way we communicate with others—and with ourselves. That violence comes in the form of blaming, judging, criticizing, insulting, demanding, comparing, labeling, diagnosing, and punishing. So when we speak in certain ways, not only do we not get heard, but we end up alienating others and ourselves. NVC has a magical way of instantly defusing potential conflicts with anyone, from a partner to a server to a friend to someone at work. One of its many great premises is that no two people’s needs are ever in conflict. It’s only the strategies for getting those needs met that are in conflict. P 97
3. (I) learn through experience rather than academics, and to take a route following my passion instead of how it’s “supposed to be done.” I realized that the outcome is not the outcome. In other words, what we think of as endpoints to a goal are really just forks in a road that is endlessly forking. In the big picture of our lives, we really don’t know whether a particular success or failure is actually helping or hurting us. So the metric I now use to judge my efforts and goals is: Did I do my best, given who I was and what I knew at that particular time? And what can I learn from the outcome to make my best better next time? Note that criticism is not failure. If you’re not being criticized, you’re probably not doing anything exceptional.
“Learn more, know less.” P 97-98
4. I loved writing, but I wasn’t very good at it when I started. But by being around the writers and editors I admired, and spending all my free time reading back issues in the archives, I learned to be a writer, a critic, and a reporter. In another question, I mentioned that the best failure was not getting into journalism school. This was my journalism school. P 98
5. ~the secret to change and growth is not willpower, but positive community. P 98
6. ~We are in an arms race against distractions. Our devices and technology have gotten to know us so well that we now need devices and technology to protect us from them. Especially our time. So what’s helped me say no to distractions is the app Freedom on my computer, which I’ve set to block the Internet 22 hours a day, and a Kitchen Safe [now called kSafe], which is a timed safe I can drop my cell phone into. P 98-99
7. What’s helped with saying no to others is asking myself first if I’m saying yes out of guilt or fear. If so, then it’s a polite no. P 99
8. ~overwhelm is about mentally managing what’s coming from outside yourself, while unfocused is about mentally managing what’s going on inside. Overall, what would work for both is to think of my mind as a computer, and the RAM is full. So best to shut it off for a little. For me, this means stepping away from work for anything from a cold shower to a surf to meditation to a breathing exercise outside to talking with someone I immensely enjoy. Anything healthy that gets you out of your mind and into your body is ultimately good for your mind. P 99
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Strauss
https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Make-This-Up-Lessons/dp/1501155571/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Truth-Eye-Opening-Addiction-Extraordinary-Relationships/dp/0062848305/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0061240168/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Emergency-This-Book-Will-Save/dp/0060898771/ref
NEIL STRAUSS is an eight-time New York Times
best-selling author. His books, The Game and Rules of the Game, for which he
went undercover in a secret society of pickup artists, made him an
international celebrity and an accidental hero to men around the world. In his
follow-up book, The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships, Strauss
dives deep into the worlds of sex addiction, nonmonogamy, infidelity, and
intimacy, and explores the hidden forces that cause people to choose each
other, stay together, and break up. He most recently co-authored with Kevin
Hart the instant #1 New York Times bestseller I Can’t Make This Up: Life
Lessons.
Reference
Ferriss, Timothy. Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World (P. 94). Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Kindle Edition.
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