1. “Busy is a decision.” the excuse “I am too busy” is not only the most inauthentic, it is also the laziest. We do the things we want to do, period. If we say we are too busy, it is shorthand for “not important enough.” It means you would rather be doing something else that you consider more important. If we use busy as an excuse for not doing something what we are really, really saying is that it’s not a priority. You don’t find the time to do something; you make the time to do things. It has become cultural cachet to use the excuse “I am too busy,” as a reason for not doing anything we don’t feel like doing. ~if you let yourself off the hook for not doing something for any reason, you won’t ever do it. If you want to do something, you can’t let being busy stand in the way, even if you are busy. Make the time to do the things you want to do and then do them.
2. Tell your therapist everything.
- If you edit who you are or pretend to be something you are not, or project who or how you want to be seen, it will take that much longer. Just be yourself. If you are afraid your therapist will judge you, tell them. All of these things are important to talk about.
- There is no shame in feeling shame. Almost everyone does, and therapy will help you understand it. There is nothing like understanding your motivations and insecurities to help you integrate those feelings into your psyche in the most healthy and authentic way.
- But what is more valuable than better understanding who you are, breaking intrinsic bad habits, getting over much of your shit (or at least understanding why you do it in the first place), and generally living a happier, more contented, more peaceful life?
3. After a Design Matters interview with the great writer Dani Shapiro, ~she felt that confidence was highly overrated. She explained that she felt that most overly confident people were really annoying. And the most confident people were usually arrogant. She felt that overexuding that amount of confidence was a sure sign that a person was compensating for some type of internal psychological deficit.
Instead, Dani declared that courage was more important than confidence. When you are operating out of courage, you are saying that no matter how you feel about yourself or your opportunities or the outcome, you are going to take a risk and take a step toward what you want. You are not waiting for the confidence to mysteriously arrive.
I now believe that confidence is achieved through repeated success at any endeavor. The more you practice doing something, the better you will get at it, and your confidence will grow over time.
4. Winning your great job is about hard work, stamina, grit, ingenuity, and timing. What might look like luck to you is simply hard work paying off.
- Am I spending enough time on looking for, finding, and working toward winning a great job?
- Am I constantly refining and improving my skills? What can I continue to get better and more competitive at?
- Do I believe that I am working harder than everyone else? If not, what else can I be doing?
- What are the people who are competing with me doing that I am not doing?
- Am I doing everything I can—every single day—to stay in “career shape”? If not, what else should I be doing?
5. No one cares if you are a people person. Have a point of view, and share it meaningfully, thoughtfully, and with conviction.
6. ~if you view your work as a calling, it is a labor of love rather than laborious. When your work is a calling, you are not approaching the amount of hours you are working with a sense of dread or counting the minutes until the weekend. Your calling can become a life-affirming engagement that can provide its own balance and spiritual nourishment. If you don’t work harder than everyone else, you will not get ahead. Further, if you are looking for work-life balance in your 20s or 30s, you are likely in the wrong career. If you are doing something you love, you don’t want work-life balance.
7. `when I feel that familiar urge to respond defensively or say things I don’t really mean or bang out a wounded response via email or text, I wait. I force myself to breathe, take a step back, and wait to respond. Just an hour or two or an overnight retreat makes a world of difference. Chinese fortune cookie: “Avoid compulsively making things worse.”
https://www.amazon.com/Brand-Thinking-Other-Noble-Pursuits/dp/162153247X/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Self-Portrait-Your-Traitor-Debbie-Millman/dp/1440334617/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Think-Like-Great-Graphic-Designer/dp/1581154968/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Look-Both-Ways-Illustrated-Intersection/dp/1600613217/ref
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Debbie_Millman
DEBBIE MILLMAN has been called “one of the most influential designers working today” by Graphic Design USA. She is the founder and host of Design Matters, the world’s first and longest-running podcast about design, where she’s interviewed nearly 300 design luminaries and cultural commentators including Massimo Vignelli and Milton Glaser. Her artwork has been exhibited around the world. She’s designed everything from wrapping paper to beach towels, greeting cards to playing cards, notebooks to T-shirts, and Star Wars merchandise to global Burger King rebrands. Debbie is the President Emeritus of AIGA (one of only five women to hold the position in the organization’s 100-year history), the editorial and creative director of Print magazine, and the author of six books.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B071KJ7PTB/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1519251939&sr=8-1&pi=AC4_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=tribes+of+mentors.
2. Tell your therapist everything.
- If you edit who you are or pretend to be something you are not, or project who or how you want to be seen, it will take that much longer. Just be yourself. If you are afraid your therapist will judge you, tell them. All of these things are important to talk about.
- There is no shame in feeling shame. Almost everyone does, and therapy will help you understand it. There is nothing like understanding your motivations and insecurities to help you integrate those feelings into your psyche in the most healthy and authentic way.
- But what is more valuable than better understanding who you are, breaking intrinsic bad habits, getting over much of your shit (or at least understanding why you do it in the first place), and generally living a happier, more contented, more peaceful life?
3. After a Design Matters interview with the great writer Dani Shapiro, ~she felt that confidence was highly overrated. She explained that she felt that most overly confident people were really annoying. And the most confident people were usually arrogant. She felt that overexuding that amount of confidence was a sure sign that a person was compensating for some type of internal psychological deficit.
Instead, Dani declared that courage was more important than confidence. When you are operating out of courage, you are saying that no matter how you feel about yourself or your opportunities or the outcome, you are going to take a risk and take a step toward what you want. You are not waiting for the confidence to mysteriously arrive.
I now believe that confidence is achieved through repeated success at any endeavor. The more you practice doing something, the better you will get at it, and your confidence will grow over time.
4. Winning your great job is about hard work, stamina, grit, ingenuity, and timing. What might look like luck to you is simply hard work paying off.
- Am I spending enough time on looking for, finding, and working toward winning a great job?
- Am I constantly refining and improving my skills? What can I continue to get better and more competitive at?
- Do I believe that I am working harder than everyone else? If not, what else can I be doing?
- What are the people who are competing with me doing that I am not doing?
- Am I doing everything I can—every single day—to stay in “career shape”? If not, what else should I be doing?
5. No one cares if you are a people person. Have a point of view, and share it meaningfully, thoughtfully, and with conviction.
6. ~if you view your work as a calling, it is a labor of love rather than laborious. When your work is a calling, you are not approaching the amount of hours you are working with a sense of dread or counting the minutes until the weekend. Your calling can become a life-affirming engagement that can provide its own balance and spiritual nourishment. If you don’t work harder than everyone else, you will not get ahead. Further, if you are looking for work-life balance in your 20s or 30s, you are likely in the wrong career. If you are doing something you love, you don’t want work-life balance.
7. `when I feel that familiar urge to respond defensively or say things I don’t really mean or bang out a wounded response via email or text, I wait. I force myself to breathe, take a step back, and wait to respond. Just an hour or two or an overnight retreat makes a world of difference. Chinese fortune cookie: “Avoid compulsively making things worse.”
https://www.amazon.com/Brand-Thinking-Other-Noble-Pursuits/dp/162153247X/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Self-Portrait-Your-Traitor-Debbie-Millman/dp/1440334617/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Think-Like-Great-Graphic-Designer/dp/1581154968/ref
https://www.amazon.com/Look-Both-Ways-Illustrated-Intersection/dp/1600613217/ref
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Debbie_Millman
DEBBIE MILLMAN has been called “one of the most influential designers working today” by Graphic Design USA. She is the founder and host of Design Matters, the world’s first and longest-running podcast about design, where she’s interviewed nearly 300 design luminaries and cultural commentators including Massimo Vignelli and Milton Glaser. Her artwork has been exhibited around the world. She’s designed everything from wrapping paper to beach towels, greeting cards to playing cards, notebooks to T-shirts, and Star Wars merchandise to global Burger King rebrands. Debbie is the President Emeritus of AIGA (one of only five women to hold the position in the organization’s 100-year history), the editorial and creative director of Print magazine, and the author of six books.
Reference
Ferriss, Timothy. Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World (P. 2). Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Kindle Edition.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B071KJ7PTB/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1519251939&sr=8-1&pi=AC4_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=tribes+of+mentors.
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